Integrity?

"Judge me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity..."
(Psalm 26:1 KJV)

Have I walked in my integrity?

Integrity means 'all of one piece.' It means what's on the outside is what's on the inside.

I've fallen many times, made many bad moves, done a lot of dumb things, responded to a variety of situations in a variety of bad ways.

When I've fallen I've stood to my feet as quickly and as gracefully as possible. When I've made bad moves I've received Your course correction. I've endured the consequences of the dumb things I've done and I've learned in the enduring. I've suffered the results of my bad responses and I've learned, slowly, other ways of responding.

Have I walked in my integrity?

I've walked in who I am -- in the joy, in the strength of Your life in me. In sorrow and pain I've crouched under Your wing and waited. I've tasted victory and I've sucked on loss. I see in me the beauty of You, the holiness of You and I see the dreary mixture of who I am when my eyes and my heart lose sight of You.

Much to bemoan. Much to celebrate. Much in which to rest content. Much to change. I have presented to You...me...all of a piece. Remarkably, it's what You wanted.

Integrity means 'all of one piece.' Integrity means I am on the outside what I am on the inside.

Judge me, O Lord -- measure, weigh, sift, and then finish that good work which You have begun.

I have walked in my integrity.

In Silence

"My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from helping me? And from the words of my roaring?
"Oh, my God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; and in the night season, and am not silent.
"But You are holy..."
(Psalm 22:1-3a)

You, God, are holy. You are utterly different than anything or anyone else. Nothing, nobody is like You. Only You are like You. And yet I interpret You by the things around me, by the people and events of my history and of my present, but You are not like the people and events of my history and of my present. I can understand and interpret You only by You.

You are holy. In silence You have not left me or ignored me or heard and seen and not cared. In silence You have not forsaken me. In silence Your love is constant.

In silence You are not far from helping me. You are not without answer or without strength or without plan.

In silence You surround me. You are my answer. Your strength is heavy in silence. In silence You weave Your plan into my days and into my nights.

In silence You are holy.